Tuesday, December 31, 2013

The Listicle: Best and Worst of 2013

I probably just have a really short attention span, but I love a good best of/worst of list. So, now that the year is wrapping up, I'm doing my own. Here's my best and worst of 2013. Let's start with the worst:

1. Kimye.
As if Kim and Kanye were not bad enough without each other, together, they are just unbearable. And then, to top it all off, they had a BABY. And made a soft-porn music video for 'Bound 2'. No end in sight for these two, though. At least it made for good 'SNL' material: 

2. Miley's tongue.
I don't need to elaborate here. But really, I don't hate Miley. I don't really have a problem with the way she's acting. I would if she were my daughter, but she's not. She's a 20-year-old girl who's dad is Billy Ray Cyrus, so really, let's not blame her. The girl likes some soft drugs, likes to talk about it, and that's fine. Just keep the tongue in your mouth, Miley. That's all I ask.

3. Gluten-free everything.
I'm not saying we should praise gluten. I'm just saying maybe it's not the evil devil ingredient you think it is. It could be the rest of your diet that's hurting you. Maybe if we just all ate cleaner and less processed, we'd be better off. Poor gluten. It had a really bad 2013. That said, I have considered going gluten-free for January just to see what all the fuss is about. But wine has gluten, so no.

4. Paul Walker's untimely death.
So sad. Not only was he pretty much the hottest man ever, he also seemed to be a really good guy. The only upside was going back and watching Varsity Blues again in remembrance of Paul.
via www.deadline.com

5. Celebs being racist/homophobic/generally ignorant.
I have never been so happy to say that I don't watch Duck Dynasty as I was a couple of weeks ago when Uncle Phil revealed himself to be the dumbass redneck that he is. And when it was revealed that Paula Deen had used the 'n' word? Were we really surprised? I'm all about forgiving people for mistakes they made in the past, but still. She could have handled the spin on that a little differently.

And the best:

1. Netflix Orginal Series.
First was House of Cards. Once you got over the awkwardness of Kevin Spacey as Frank Underwood speaking directly to you, this was TV at its finest. Underwood 2016, y'all.
And then came Orange is the New Black. I binged so hard on this show, and then was so sad when it was over. Every single character is the best. Seriously.

2. Beyonce's unannounced new album
Beyonce pretty much secured her spot as Queen Bey when she dropped an album on iTunes at like, midnight on a Thursday. And of course it was the best album she has ever made. Definitely the sexiest. And why shouldn't it be? She's Beyonce. And she's married to Jay-Z. They will be taking over the world soon. And should.

3. Rob Ford.
It's almost like this guy wasn't even a real person. And have we ever wished more for Chris Farley's resurrection? Rob Ford provided some of the best entertainment of the year. Thanks, Toronto.

4. The rebirth of Britney.
Y'all can hate all you want, but I love my girl Britney, and always will. You can rest assured that I will make it to Vegas in the next two years to catch her Piece of Me show, which is getting rave reviews. From what I've seen, Britney is back. Hotness.

via www.huffingtonpost.com

5. Breaking Bad finale.
When's the last time a series ended and you actually felt satisfied? Breaking Bad tied up every loose end, without making it too tidy, and left us with a meth addict-like craving for the next great show. I could go back and watch every episode 10 more times. And that has nothing to do with my monster crush on Aaron Paul.

6. I was going to stop at 5, but then I realized I have to add the James Franco/Seth Rogen parody video of 'Bound 2'. OMG. As if I didn't love these boys enough, they did this. And it was brilliant. I'd advise watching the original of the video by Kanye, but be warned that it is repulsive.

Let's see what 2014 has to bring us. Happy New Year!

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Lumps of Coal

The Grimes kids are well on their way to getting stockings full of nothing for Christmas. December ushered in a whole new level of bad that no Elf on the Shelf can seem to curb.

I think we talked to this guy too early. Especially since he told the kids there is "no such thing as a naughty list." WTF, Santa? Also, he looks too jolly.

A quick rundown of the last couple of days. Let's start with Davis:

Yesterday we were riding home from preschool and I was vaguely aware that he had a pen in his hand. Since I was streaming the new Britney album, I was maybe a little not paying attention. I turned around to find him drawing all over the leather that lines the inside of the door. Luckily, it was Morgan's car, which is pretty much a roving trash can, but still. He knew it was wrong. We had one of his friends in the car, and I guess he was trying to show off. I don't know.

But it didn't stop there.

While Davis and the friend were playing at our house, it got a little too quiet. I later noticed that "they" (Davis) had managed to pour red glitter all over the bathroom, and the carpet in Davis' bedroom. Naughty. Just so you know, glitter doesn't really come up all that easily. So, it's now tracked all over the house, like an elf vomited Christmas glitter on every surface.

Then today, I came to pick Davis up from school. I was met by the preschool director, who was escorting Davis and another boy toward me. The other boy's mom and I had to go in and have a "little talk" about the fact that they boys had mashed a bunch of playdough into the rug in the classroom. All the while that the director was talking, I could see Davis stifling a grin. I was mortified. By the end of the discussion, he had the giggles under control, but he's spending the afternoon in his room, and I'm making him use his money to replace the playdough.

Then there's Ava. She's actually been pretty good, up until this morning, when she tried to fake being sick. I let it ride for a little while, then around 10 told her she was fine and needed to go to school. That led to a massive drama-fest, which included her slamming her door and sliding this note to us underneath it:

Gotta give her props for correct spelling throughout. I think she's lacking a comma or two, though. Maybe I'll red ink it and give it back to her. After all, in her tirade, she did mention wanting to be home schooled.

I'm not saying they're on the naughty list, but I think the Christmas budget just had a big shift to the "Mommy's presents" column.