Monday, February 10, 2014

Hoarders, Doggy Style

I refuse to even discuss the fact that Snowpacalypse, Round II is getting ready to happen here. Instead, I will try to put into words an experience I had over the weekend. It's a story worthy of a Hoarders episode.

Let's begin. My friend has dog fever. And, being a kind-hearted person (sometimes), she wants to save a dog from the perils of a shelter, or some other kind of rescue organization. However, she also wants a Yorkie, and the shelters just don't seem to have too many purebreds. Or maybe they're just feeding them to the pit bulls. Either way, she has been forced to dig deep for a rescue Yorkie.

Enter Barbara. My friend found Barbara online (of course) through the Yorkie rescue site that Barbara runs. The site showcases all of Barbara's adorable Yorkie rescues, and they look pretty good. I'm thinking Barbara is good with Photoshop. At any rate, I went with my friend tomy hometown to look at Barbara's dogs on Saturday. Now, being from this particular town, I like to think I know the area pretty well. I can tell you for certain I have never been to Barbara's part of town before. In fact, the inner-snob in me does not even claim it.

So we roll up this long dirt/gravel driveway, where we are greeted by multiple signs warning us of dogs. And then, after what seems like ages, we get to the house. It might be 1000 square feet. Maybe. I had my kids with me, so we all walked up and knocked on the door. Barbara and about 100 Yorkies came to the door. Seriously, 100 may be an exaggeration, but there is no way there were fewer than 25 dogs in that house.

My kids were freaked out, but finally came in (after several dogs tried to make a jail break). It was evident that someone had just had an accident in the house, because the stench was nauseating. Davis, being overly honest, announced, "It stinks in here", held his hand to his nose and refused to move it. Then he decided he would just wait outside. I mean, if the child who pees on every surface of the bathroom except the toilet can't handle it, you know it's bad. Barbara, oblivious, says, "Does it smell bad in here?" It was the equivalent of asking if a garbage truck in July smells bad.

To say Barbara was batshit crazy would be the understatement of the year. I'd say she was in her sixties, but it was hard to tell. My friend was trying to play with the dogs, see if she liked any of them. Barbara seemed to know nothing about any of them. She kept sneaking off to the one bedroom in the house to pull the dogs' files. The highlight was when my friend was bonding with one particular female dog, and Barbara started feeling around on the poor dog, saying, "I don't think she's pregnant, but I would want to do an x-ray to be sure." Another key moment was when we asked about the age of another dog, and Melissa looked at the dogs' teeth and said, "Definitely three to four years. Yes, two or three years. He's three. Exactly three."

Other highlights:
- When Barbara started browning some ground beef on the stove mid-visit.
- When a chihuahua made a jailbreak from the bedroom and came out wearing a spike collar and started growling at Ava.
-The dog that had lost an eye but not had the area sewn up. Gross.
-The dog that scaled a puppy gate like it was NBD.
-The husband that sat in the next room watching tv, surrounded by at least 4 dogs, all barking. The husband never spoke to us.

Needless to say, my friend did not rescue a dog from Barbara. It all felt too shady. But it made for quite an adventure.

Friday, January 31, 2014

Friday Snowday Randoms

It's Friday, so here are just a few bits of randomness for you:

1. We have been snowed in since Tuesday. And by "snowed in", I mean that on Tuesday night, we got about 2 or 3 inches of snow. No school Tuesday, due to threat of snow. Okay, based on what happened in Raleigh back in 2006, and Atlanta this week, that was probably a good call. Then Wednesday was a real snow day. Yesterday there were still some slick spots. Today? I was hoping we'd just have a delay, but nope. Snowed in again with a predicted high of 52.

Luckily for me, I've got a sitter coming and am planning to GTFO of this house for a while. In the meantime, lots of chanting of the Serenity Now prayer.

2. One thing about growing up with a sibling 10 years older than me is that it did not prepare me for dealing with sibling relations in my own kids. I don't feel like I have a good sense of what's normal fighting and what's going overboard. Sometimes I'm tempted to just lock them in a room together and see what happens. I think I'd put my money on Ava.

3. Speaking of Ava, she had a meltdown that lasted 90 minutes last night. How is that possible? She is EIGHT. All I can hope for is that the level of determination she has will drive her into some high-paying career that will provide a really nice retirement for me.

4. I kind of hate yoga, but am finding myself becoming addicted to hot yoga. So weird, right? There is something so cleansing about literally pouring sweat from your body for an hour. Love.

5. We finally started watching Game of Thrones here, and let me tell you, I am so addicted. I'm also reading the first book. Really good. And, ladies, just in case you think it might not be your cup of tea (you're wrong), there are some super hot other-worldly boys on the show. My fave? Jon Snow. Drool.

That's it for today. I'm going to go straighten our house so my sitter doesn't report us to child services for living in squalor. If you're home with kids again today, Godspeed, my friends. 

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

What I'm Listening To Now

I'm finally catching up and bringing you my first post of 2014. Today, it's all about music. My musical taste is all over the place, but here are a few of my current faves:

1. Arctic Monkeys: "Do I Wanna Know"
This song is kind of my everything right now. And the lyrics are so good. How can you beat "the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day"? Arctic Monkeys remind me a tiny bit of the Black Keys, I think. 

 2. Katy Perry: "Dark Horse"
I'm not a huge Katy Perry fan, and I'm really creeped out by the video for "Who You Love" with John Mayer. However, Dark Horse is, in my opinion, her best song ever. 

3. Martin Garrix: "Animals"
Y'all, this kid is 17. SEVENTEEN. "Animals" is on one of my running mixes, and I love to crank it super loud.

4. Ellie Goulding: "Burn"
I pretty much love everything she does. Her voice, her sound. But this one tops my list.

5.John Legend: "All of Me"
This one has been on my list for a while. Maybe the sexiest song ever. For real. Just listen to the words.

6. Any live Phish.
So, this is a bit of a throwback for me. Despite having seen these guys a lot of times (twenty something, if you count the solo Trey shows), I had kind of gotten away from them for a while. But then I started listening to some old live stuff, and I just don't see how anyone can say they aren't one of the greatest rock bands of our time. If you've got 23 minutes to spare, watch this live performance of "Chalkdust Torture" from last August in Colorado. If you don't have 23 mintues, just watch the first few.

I told you I'm all over the place. Hope you enjoy, and if you've got any music you think I need to check out, just leave it in the comments. 

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

The Listicle: Best and Worst of 2013

I probably just have a really short attention span, but I love a good best of/worst of list. So, now that the year is wrapping up, I'm doing my own. Here's my best and worst of 2013. Let's start with the worst:

1. Kimye.
As if Kim and Kanye were not bad enough without each other, together, they are just unbearable. And then, to top it all off, they had a BABY. And made a soft-porn music video for 'Bound 2'. No end in sight for these two, though. At least it made for good 'SNL' material: 

2. Miley's tongue.
I don't need to elaborate here. But really, I don't hate Miley. I don't really have a problem with the way she's acting. I would if she were my daughter, but she's not. She's a 20-year-old girl who's dad is Billy Ray Cyrus, so really, let's not blame her. The girl likes some soft drugs, likes to talk about it, and that's fine. Just keep the tongue in your mouth, Miley. That's all I ask.

3. Gluten-free everything.
I'm not saying we should praise gluten. I'm just saying maybe it's not the evil devil ingredient you think it is. It could be the rest of your diet that's hurting you. Maybe if we just all ate cleaner and less processed, we'd be better off. Poor gluten. It had a really bad 2013. That said, I have considered going gluten-free for January just to see what all the fuss is about. But wine has gluten, so no.

4. Paul Walker's untimely death.
So sad. Not only was he pretty much the hottest man ever, he also seemed to be a really good guy. The only upside was going back and watching Varsity Blues again in remembrance of Paul.

5. Celebs being racist/homophobic/generally ignorant.
I have never been so happy to say that I don't watch Duck Dynasty as I was a couple of weeks ago when Uncle Phil revealed himself to be the dumbass redneck that he is. And when it was revealed that Paula Deen had used the 'n' word? Were we really surprised? I'm all about forgiving people for mistakes they made in the past, but still. She could have handled the spin on that a little differently.

And the best:

1. Netflix Orginal Series.
First was House of Cards. Once you got over the awkwardness of Kevin Spacey as Frank Underwood speaking directly to you, this was TV at its finest. Underwood 2016, y'all.
And then came Orange is the New Black. I binged so hard on this show, and then was so sad when it was over. Every single character is the best. Seriously.

2. Beyonce's unannounced new album
Beyonce pretty much secured her spot as Queen Bey when she dropped an album on iTunes at like, midnight on a Thursday. And of course it was the best album she has ever made. Definitely the sexiest. And why shouldn't it be? She's Beyonce. And she's married to Jay-Z. They will be taking over the world soon. And should.

3. Rob Ford.
It's almost like this guy wasn't even a real person. And have we ever wished more for Chris Farley's resurrection? Rob Ford provided some of the best entertainment of the year. Thanks, Toronto.

4. The rebirth of Britney.
Y'all can hate all you want, but I love my girl Britney, and always will. You can rest assured that I will make it to Vegas in the next two years to catch her Piece of Me show, which is getting rave reviews. From what I've seen, Britney is back. Hotness.


5. Breaking Bad finale.
When's the last time a series ended and you actually felt satisfied? Breaking Bad tied up every loose end, without making it too tidy, and left us with a meth addict-like craving for the next great show. I could go back and watch every episode 10 more times. And that has nothing to do with my monster crush on Aaron Paul.

6. I was going to stop at 5, but then I realized I have to add the James Franco/Seth Rogen parody video of 'Bound 2'. OMG. As if I didn't love these boys enough, they did this. And it was brilliant. I'd advise watching the original of the video by Kanye, but be warned that it is repulsive.

Let's see what 2014 has to bring us. Happy New Year!

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Lumps of Coal

The Grimes kids are well on their way to getting stockings full of nothing for Christmas. December ushered in a whole new level of bad that no Elf on the Shelf can seem to curb.

I think we talked to this guy too early. Especially since he told the kids there is "no such thing as a naughty list." WTF, Santa? Also, he looks too jolly.

A quick rundown of the last couple of days. Let's start with Davis:

Yesterday we were riding home from preschool and I was vaguely aware that he had a pen in his hand. Since I was streaming the new Britney album, I was maybe a little not paying attention. I turned around to find him drawing all over the leather that lines the inside of the door. Luckily, it was Morgan's car, which is pretty much a roving trash can, but still. He knew it was wrong. We had one of his friends in the car, and I guess he was trying to show off. I don't know.

But it didn't stop there.

While Davis and the friend were playing at our house, it got a little too quiet. I later noticed that "they" (Davis) had managed to pour red glitter all over the bathroom, and the carpet in Davis' bedroom. Naughty. Just so you know, glitter doesn't really come up all that easily. So, it's now tracked all over the house, like an elf vomited Christmas glitter on every surface.

Then today, I came to pick Davis up from school. I was met by the preschool director, who was escorting Davis and another boy toward me. The other boy's mom and I had to go in and have a "little talk" about the fact that they boys had mashed a bunch of playdough into the rug in the classroom. All the while that the director was talking, I could see Davis stifling a grin. I was mortified. By the end of the discussion, he had the giggles under control, but he's spending the afternoon in his room, and I'm making him use his money to replace the playdough.

Then there's Ava. She's actually been pretty good, up until this morning, when she tried to fake being sick. I let it ride for a little while, then around 10 told her she was fine and needed to go to school. That led to a massive drama-fest, which included her slamming her door and sliding this note to us underneath it:

Gotta give her props for correct spelling throughout. I think she's lacking a comma or two, though. Maybe I'll red ink it and give it back to her. After all, in her tirade, she did mention wanting to be home schooled.

I'm not saying they're on the naughty list, but I think the Christmas budget just had a big shift to the "Mommy's presents" column.

Monday, November 25, 2013

American Music Awards Recap

It's Monday. It's freezing. But it's a holiday week, so all is good. I feel like I'm still in weekend recovery, especially after a big night out on Friday. I think vodka and I might be on a Ross-Rachel style break. We attended a party on Friday night where there was a really friendly bartender with an even friendlier pour. I was overserved and underfed. Didn't make for the most fun Saturday morning. But, at least it was a good reminder that at upcoming Christmas parties, water and food are a must.

Also, that was the second weekend in a row of big nights out for me. Don't get me wrong - I am having a blast lately. But it does catch up, especially when there are kids to take care of. All I wanted on Saturday was to have some one-on-one time with my sofa and Bravo on the TV. Instead, we went to a birthday party and Davis sang "Wrecking Ball."  Awesome.

Did you catch the AMAs last night? I was all excited to watch but thought they were pretty boring.


Justin. During his performance, I told Morgan that he would have to allow me a celebrity pass if the opportunity presented itself (why wouldn't he choose me over Jessica Biel??). His response? "Gross." Alrighty then. I told him he could have Jennifer Lawrence. 

President R. Kelly and Lady Gaga. Nothing like channeling Clinton/Lewinsky during a performance. Also, if you haven't, please google the track listing for R. Kelly's new album. 

But my very, very favorite performance was A Great Big World with Christina Aguilera. This song blows me away, and I think I could listen to it on repeat for days. 

And, if you maybe want to cry a little, watch the official video for the song here:

That's all I've got. Happy Monday!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

What I'm Loving Now

I know, I know. I never write on this poor blog anymore. I'm afraid of becoming really boring with too much talk about my kids and parenting, and I'm just trying to decide how to keep it fresh over here. Parenting is clearly what I'm most about these days, but I'm kind of working on not letting that define me. That's not to say that Ava and Davis aren't the complete center of my life, but there are lots of other things I'm into, and I don't want to neglect them. So, just working on a little reformatting. We'll see  where it goes.

That seems like a good time to segue in to some things I'm loving these days.


Maybe I'm late to the game here, but I finally upgraded to the paid membership, and it's pretty much rocking my world. The best thing about it, in case you don't know, is that you can save any songs into playlists that you can listen to offline anytime, like, on your phone. And they have about a million times more songs than Pandora. No offense, Pandora. You were cool for a while. So, now I can easily jam out to Jay-Z in the minivan without having to drop a bunch of cash on iTunes.

2)Speaking of music, I'm a little obsessed with Lorde. She's way cooler than I ever was at 16. And that voice of hers is really different. We've all heard Royals about a million times by now, but for me, it isn't really getting old. If you like that, listen to Tennis Court. Great song.

 On that note, if I hear that Avicii song one more time, I might scream. Ava and I share a mutual dislike of that one.


Again, late to the party. This fall I started spending a lot of time on Twitter, but not really tweeting. It's the best source for any news, entertainment, etc. I am better informed than I've ever been. It's a little addictive. Now I'm tweeting on the regular and feeling pretty cool (until I realize I drive the previously mentioned minivan). Follow me if you want : Of course, you'll find out what a big liberal I am, so don't be offended. Also, don't make the mistake I made when I first joined a couple of years ago. I followed way too many celebs and my feed was cluttered with stuff I didn't really care about. So, follow wisely.

4)Vodka drinks.

Something strange has happened recently and I don't love red wine like I always have. I don't even know who I am anymore. At any rate, whites still taste yummy. I'm not ruling out reds, just taking a little break. I rarely drink liquor, but when we've been out recently, I've ordered vodka tonics. Nothing fancy. Just a good old classic. Of course, it's made even better with Grey Goose, but it does seem sort of silly to water down the good stuff with tonic.

I did have a Slightly Dirty Martini the other night in Chapel Hill (in the Back Bar at Top of the Hill). It was just okay. But the blue cheese stuffed olives that came in it were totally yummy.

So, there you have it. Things I love, so you probably should too.

Until next time.....