Cars 2, or Adventures in Toddler Hell

Second children get to grow up a little faster than first children. I don’t know about kids after #2, but I’m assuming they come out of the womb with a drivers’ license in hand.

Ava didn’t see her first movie until she was 4. It was The Princess and the Frog. She was very good, sat nicely, ate her popcorn and Junior Mints, and just had a generally pleasant time.

I must have been hitting the crack pipe pretty hard last week, because I decided Davis, at 27 months, was definitely ready for a movie. Cars 2 would be such a great first movie for a little boy, and I just KNEW that the big screen would mesmerize him into sitting still for 2 hours.

Not even close.

All I can say is thank God there were only a few other patrons in the theater. Davis threw his sippy cup several rows in front of us, took off his Crocs and walked around barefoot, spoke loudly, and generally caused me a good 2 hours of stress. This was the only good moment, captured blurrily by the iPhone:

If that wasn’t enough, Ava decided to bring a little drama of her own. She was a bundle of nerves because I had tennis that night, and she didn’t want me to go out. I’m really not exaggerating when I say that she cried (albeit quietly) for 3/4 of the movie. So, I’ve got Davis running wild in the seats, Ava clinging to me like a 9-month-old, and I got to pay $20 for all this fun. Plus $7 for popcorn. And then, like an idiot, I thought maybe a Sprite would keep Davis occupied. Of course, Ava wanted one too. $8.50 later, Davis is still running wild. And then there was a poopie diaper. I wanted to pull my hair out by the time it was all over.

I don’t even think I know what the damn movie was about.

Needless to say, Davis will not go to another movie until he can drive himself there. Ava, on the other hand, will get another chance because Mommy really wants to see the Selena Gomez-Leighton Meester movie, Monte Carlo.