This day has really not gotten off to the best start. Let's see. Alarm was set for 5:30am so I could get to my boot camp class. However, when said alarm went off, I was in A's bed, so she also woke up, and I was unable to sneak out. Cue one more hour of sleep for me, at which point I did sneak out for a quick 2 mile run. (And it was so cold this morning! WTF??). Okay, back to the house at 7. Quick shower, no time for shampoo. Standing in the bathroom, blow-drying the sweat out of my hair, A appears at the bathroom door, in tears. Tears because I was drying my (sweaty) hair and was not immediately available to turn off her nightlight & sound machine and open up her blinds and curtains. We may be the teensiest bit OCD. So, off to a bad start today, in many ways.
The day has continued to be a challenge. I picked up my happy daughter after preschool today, but the mood quickly turned sour and led to yet another meltdown. I mean, I feel like I really need to get to the bottom of whatever is going on with her lately. I feel like it's constant battles, power-struggles, and general difficulties. When I talk about meltdowns, I mean nuclear. Hard-core. Screaming, kicking, sometimes hitting. It's frustrating, enfuriating, humorous, and pitiful, all at the same time. I want so badly to be able to help her through such emotional turmoil, but I often feel manipulated. I know that any anger I show only serves to make things worse, so I work extremely hard to maintain my cool. Very difficult task.I know we'll all get through this, but I just want to get to the source of all this emotion. Aargh.
Our other problem right now is nighttime. As mentioned above, I often find myself in A's bed. She goes to sleep just fine at night. But nearly every night, she awakens, and says that she had a bad dream. Well, I'm a sucker for a scared little kid, so I always go in and lay down in her bed with her. Of course, this is also the easy option, as it means we all get to go right back to sleep. This would be fine if it were an occassional occurrence. However, every night is absurd. I mean, I am supposed to sleep in my own bed, with my husband, and that's just the way it goes. So, I told A this morning that starting tonight, if she gets scared, I will come in, comfort her, hug her, etc, but I will go back to my room. Uhhh, yeah, That didn't go over so well. So, stay tuned for a report on how that goes. In the meantime, I'm going to go take a large dose of Xanax and try to relax.